...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
