oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
