I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
