he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
