one might say we're banned from that church
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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