walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
