She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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