mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
