Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
