We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
40s are totally the cure
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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