I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
