I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
