even my farts smell like vagina
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
