well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
