I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
