Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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