WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
