I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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