oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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