so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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