the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
