as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
