I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
