dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
