This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
