I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
