i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
