My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
