I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
