You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
