Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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