If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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