I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I AM VODKA MAN
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
