Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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