i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
