All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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