so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
