You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
