Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have feelings that need drinking.
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