okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
