I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
