Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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