Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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