I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
