Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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