Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
