just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
