i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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