She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
