At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
