Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
