Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dicks are not precious.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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