Plan B is the new Plan A
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
